The Transformation of Life

Chinese Version

I grew up in a Christian household. I went to church, Sunday school, youth group, VBS, and most other church activities you can think of. I remember saying the sinner’s prayer during VBS when I was in elementary school, thinking I understood what being a Christian was. Man, I wish it was that easy. I viewed most of these church activities as an opportunity to hang out with friends, goof off, and play video games. I would attend CBM camp throughout high school as well, leaving there with a spiritual high just to go right back to my way of living back home. I understood that God loved me and wanted a relationship with me, but I could not give up myself, my wants, and my visions I had for my future. I felt like I could take care of myself and work through my issues on my own. I also could not understand how He could accept someone who continues to sin on repeat.

Going into my first year of college, these issues surfaced, and I did not have the best foundation or a firm set of beliefs to counteract them. Some of you know that I attend college in Indiana. Making the decision to go there was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I planned on going to San Diego, going to church down there, be comfortable, and be happy. I felt that going to Indiana was not really my decision, but wanted to save my parents a lot of money. Because of this, I had a lot of built-up anger towards my parents, towards myself for ultimately making the decision to go, and towards God. I was so full of anger and couldn’t understand why God would send me almost all the way across the country to a random place, different culture, and completely different from what I envisioned. My first full year, I felt like nobody connected with me, and I could not relate to people there. However, I gave myself a false perception that I enjoyed it there, and the freedom to do as I please fueled that. When people would ask how school was, it was so easy to give them a “it’s good” response to lie to myself and avoid a conversation on how I really felt. I found things to distract myself such as girls, hanging out with the wrong people, and video games. The second year there, I realized after focusing mainly on school that I lived in a constant state of negativity and truly did not enjoy it there. I remember coming back home during breaks, and I broke down crying multiple times, asking God why He would put me in this situation.

My turning point to God really started during the summers of those two years when I would attend a Bible study here in Sacramento. I began to truly understand the gospel: that I am a sinner, and God loves me no matter what; that truly believing in His death on the cross and resurrection, having faith, and trusting him with all your heart, I was saved. A verse that stuck with me is Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”. By  His grace and through faith, I am able to obtain this free gift of God. Because of this, I have learned  not to rely on myself to solve my issues on my own. I learned that you do not have to have every single problem worked out before coming to Christ, to come before Him, to repent and truly acknowledge the sin in my life. This led me to bring my anger, my pride, and my lust to God. My whole perspective on life has changed during my time away from home. I have found peace knowing that God has a plan for me, and I don’t have to worry about what I may have missed out on or look too far into the future. I have learned to acknowledge God, appreciate God, and find the good in both the successes and struggles He has provided me with. I find joy in the little things in life and look forward to whatever happens down the road knowing that God works in many different ways— small or large, hardship or success, or similar to your plans or not. A verse that has really stuck with me is John 13:7, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” So today, I want to publicly profess my faith and take the step of obedience through baptism.